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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in skin up on me's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 8th, 2003
9:31 pm
I've moved to http://www.livejournal.com/users/burntbylife/ so if you're still interested in what's going on with me, add me there and I'll add you back.
so fucking punk?
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
11:24 am
Ooodelally, ooodelally, golly what a day!
I am getting this:

for christmas.

About time, fucking righteous.
3 punks| so fucking punk?
Sunday, October 20th, 2002
5:23 pm
stolen from ellie.
01. Name: Ally
02. Gender: Female
03. Birthdate: October 5
04. Favorite Color: Yellow, brown and orange. In stripes.
05. Favorite Gum: Spearmint
06. Favourite dog: Red setters
07. fav movie: fried green tomatoes
08. Can you swim?: Yeah
09. Favorite Cartoon(s): Daria
10. Favorite Actor: Jason Lee
11. Favorite Actress: Claire Danes
12. Do you have an accent?: My family think I talk posh...I don't really know
13. Do you have a job?: Yes in a coporate chain (bleurgh) surf/skate shop
14. Do you prefer pools or beaches?: Beaches...as long as they aren't scummy
15. Do you watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer?: No
16. Pencil, pen or highlighter?: Pencil
17. Who's better....boys or girls?: Boys
18. Do you sing in the shower?: Yes. Often...
19. Who's the best looking person you know?: Robo
20. The best way to die?: Shot in the head
21. What age do you want to live to?: No idea
22. How do you want to die?: Painlessly and Happy
23. Have you ever called a 900 number?: No
24. Would you rather be short or tall?: Tall
25. Do you enjoy reading?: Yes
26. Which Winnie the Pooh character is your fav?: Piglet
27. What was the last movie you saw: xXx
28. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No
29. What movie do you really want to see?: Not sure
30. What's your biggest fear?: Spiders
31. Would you say you are an optimist or pessimist?: Lately, pessimist
32. Would you ever have cosmetic surgery?: Urgh, no. I'm not a barbie
33. Do you like to dance?: When I'm drunk
34. Do you do drugs?: Occassionally
35. Do you smoke?: Yes
36. Do you think men and women can ever just be friends without wanting each other?: Maybe
37. Do you bite your nails?: Yes
38. Ever been in love?: Twice. Once a while ago and at the moment
39. Which movies have you cried at?: Loads
40. Did you ever cry over someone of the opposite sex?: Yes
41. Biggest role model?: I'd say my mother, but I don't want to be anything like her. I think she likes to think that she's my role model.
42. Did you ever have a crush on a cartoon character?: Trent 43. Do you organize your CD's?: Kind of
44. Who is the loudest person you know?: Hilary
45. Who is the strangest person you know?: Simon
46. Most trustworthy person you know?: Beckie
47. Funniest?: Beckie
48. Nicest?: Emma
49. Do you sneeze a lot?: No
50. Favorite radio station?: I don't listen to radio
51. Are you a vegetarian?: No
52. Where are you from?: Southampton, England
53. What is the best thing about the place you live?: We have a ferry..? :-/
54. Are you a player?: pfft, no
55. Do you prefer to go out with people older or younger?: Older
56. What color hair do you look for in a guy/girl?: Dark
57. What color are your eyes?: Blue
58. What Is Your Natural Hair Color?: Dark brown
59. But what color is it now?: Brown/blonde
60. Who are you mad at?: no one.
61. What color pants you have on right now?: Blue and green
62. What color shirt do you have on right now?: Blue
63. What was the last thing you said?: Oh, cool
64. What's right next to you? Empty can of coke, speakers modem, CD's telephone book, floppy disks, my pill
65. What color is your computer desk?: White
66. What's the last 2 digits of your phone number?: 45
67. What was the last thing you ate?: Garlic sticks
68. If you had a genie, what 3 wishes would you make?: I don't know
69. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: Brown
70. Do you like the person who sent this to you?: YES!
71. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon?: Newzealand
72. If you had to choose right now, who you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with?: Robo
73. How long have you known this person?: haha, about 5 months!?
74. Do you have a pager?: No
75. Do you have a lava lamp?: No
76. How many buds are on your buddy list?: Don't know
77. How's the weather right now?: Cold
78. Brandy or Monica: Neither
79. What did u do today?: Had sex, ate, gripped a few skateboards
80. Last person you talked to on the phone: Mum
81. What's your name backwards: Nosila
82. Who are you talking to online right now?: Nobody
83. Who do you miss now?: Ellie, Meg, Gordon and Nate <3
1 punk| so fucking punk?
4:58 pm
I have been gripping skate decks and building skateboards for 15 hours this weekend. The shop I work in just opened a new skate section and we got shit loads of new boards, grip tape, wheels, bearings, tools etc. etc. and Kelvin and I have been put in charge since we're the only ones that seem to know anything about skating, building skateboards and gripping skate decks. Grr. My feet ache, my legs ache, my whole body aches and my head aches from all the little kids coming in and asking me to sort out their skateboards. It's been so busy.

I'm going to go and sleep for a while.

Current Mood: tired
so fucking punk?
Thursday, October 17th, 2002
7:25 pm
5 punks| so fucking punk?
4:10 pm
I was just talking to Rob on the phone about stuff, and it was fine. I then happened to mention the whole moving out and finding a flat thing and he said, "You do know I won't be able to move out with you, I can't leave the guys at the house." He currently shares a house with three of his "friends" although all I ever see them do is scrounge money and food off of him and then never repay him, he currently has no money due to loaning it all to them. I'm not asking him to do it straight away, I mean it won't be for a while yet any way, they'd have plenty of notice. I have to find a job first, then wait for my first pay check...what an arse. I proceeded to tell him I had to go and put the phone down. The stupidest things are getting me down right now. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach and my eyes are making stupid fucking tears.

Current Mood: angry
so fucking punk?
12:16 pm
Mother dear doesn't think that I should spend so much time with rob. Apparently, it encourages me to be moody and depressed when he isn't around, and really seeing him twice a week would be ample, and more likely to discourage the mood swings. More like it will help us to grow apart (which I feel we have been doing a lot by ourselves lately) and lead to a breakup whereupon I will no longer be in a grown up relationship that she will envy. She is such a jealous woman, and it pains me to write so about my own mother. She seems to have lost all sight of what it's like to be a teenager, and even if she truly hasn't she certainly doesn't understand what it's like to be a teenager today. That's such a cliche, but it's so true. I'm getting more and more angry when I don't see rob, or if when I do, we waste our time on pointless conversation or silly arguments. I miss how it used to be, I seem to have completely lost sight of the future. I'm flailing. I wish he, WE, could be positive about the future, positive about what is going to happen. Decisions need to be made, so that feelings don't get trodden on. I wish he'd stop floating around the issues.

so fucking punk?
Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
5:47 pm

1 punk| so fucking punk?
5:37 pm
So yesterday I quit college. I cried a lot. Not because I was sad, but out of pure relief. I have totally lost my sense of direction, and everything that I was so focused on last year now seems like a blur. I don't know what I want to do, or what I want to become, so why should I be forced to decide? It's been nice not having to worry about the 2 essays I hadn't started, the novel I hadn't read and the art project for which I was lacking inspiration. I can breathe again...

2 punks| so fucking punk?
Sunday, October 13th, 2002
6:21 pm
I've been looking out of the window for most of the day. The rain is coming down in a steady stream, the wind has picked up, and the leaves are all turning brown. My right arm of my coat and face is soaking wet from smoking out of my bedroom window, and all I can think about is how unhappy I actually am at the moment. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I'm just unhappy. My life is going the wrong way. Down, down, down. I can't talk about my feelings to anybody, not even Rob and he thinks I'm shutting him out. I'm not, I just find it really hard to convey feelings other than love and happiness. I guess because I rarely feel this way. I'm not familiar with this feeling, I don't want to experiment with it.

College has become a chore, even living with my mother has suddenly become the worst possible arrangement, it never used to be that way. Everyone seems to be on my case, everyone wants their pound of flesh and I just can't cope with it anymore. I just want to find a shell, crawl into it and ignore the world for a while. I'm dreaming about things, I have ideas way above my station. I need to come back down to earth.

2 punks| so fucking punk?
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
6:31 pm
It's my 18th Birthday on Saturday, it's weird. Mum and dad went halves on buying me a neato camera and I've been using it all day, I got black and white films and did arty stuff with the focus and zoom.

Stig phoned me when he got back from travelling and asked if he could come out for my birthday, I said ok. Rob wasn't happy. Stig doesn't know that I have a new boyfriend and Rob thinks he's going to try it on. I promised him that nothing would happen. It won't.

The family are all coming round on Saturday afternoon for tea and present giving, then I'm going to stay at Rob's and we're going to go to some pubs in town then to the nexus. Loads of my friends are coming too so it should be fun.

I'm staying at Rob's on Friday too, and he said he's going to get candle's and flowers and special stuff and we'll have a quiet night in together, since I haven't seen him since Monday :( I'm missing him loads, I'm used to seeing him everyday.

I've been reading lots of journals lately, I'm annoyed with myself that I haven't stayed in proper contact with everyone. I've also forgotten my password for the b_side_ska_queen e-mail account so if you want to contact me then please use the x_DNAdoll one.

I miss you all, squillions. Infact, more than you all could ever imagine.

Love you all,

Current Mood: drained
3 punks| so fucking punk?
Thursday, September 19th, 2002
5:30 pm
I just got "hit" by a car.

I was walking out of college to get the early bus home, and I started to cross the road in the general direction of said bus. Just as I reached the side of the bus nearest the road there was a fucking loud "beeeeeeeeeeeeep" and an ugly green mondeo bumped my backside and I went flying. I still can't breathe. I got up quickly and apologised to the guy in the car, who proceeded to tell me I was a "silly little girl", to which I replied "sod the fuck off, you could have killed me". I just ran onto the bus and cried. I felt like a fucking retard. I've had the same jeans on for about 2 weeks, my hair is a greasy mess and I had mascara stains on my face. The bus driver was really nice to me because he'd just seen it happen, the guy in the car just drove off. I sat dowstairs with the bus driver and he let me smoke because I was in complete shock. It wasn't a really hard hit, not really life threatening or anything (although it could've been) but I was so fucking scared. I have a massive bruise on my leg, it came up almost immediately, and my head is throbbing. No one even suggested that I went to hospital to be checked out, not even the guy who hit me. Fucking wanker. Not that I want to go, it's just a badly bruised leg/hip type affair but shit. I'm still scared. I made a huge cup of tea with lots of sugar in, even though I kept spilling sugar everywhere because I couldn't stop shaking. I ache. I just want to lie down. I keep thinking what if the car had really hit me? I have this paranoia of being hit by a car and being sucked underneathe it and my body being all bent and twisted hitting the underneath of the car. Eurgh. I think I might go to the doctors now just to make sure everything is ok, and see what he says about shock and shit. Fuck. I really don't know what to do.

No one is in, i think i'm going to cry again.

um :-/ fucking, yeah


Current Mood: shocked
5 punks| so fucking punk?
Monday, September 9th, 2002
5:55 pm
Does anybody even read this thing anymore?

Everything has suddenly become seemingly pointless. I don't want to go back to college, or go to uni, what's the point? The sooner I can just get a boring full time job with rubbish pay and move into a shitty house on my own, the better. I mean I may aswell face it, that's what will probably end up happening to me, so why not just cut to the chase and do it now, instead of wasting my time chasing false dreams and fairytales that I actually thought I could acheive? I'm fed up of living in a dream world and I'm bored and tired of where my life is and where it's heading. I feel like I need to go to sleep for ten years and then wake up and see how I feel then and what I want to do. I'm not ready to decide exactly what I want for my future.

Rob seems forever away, I just want to hold him for a few minutes, longer if I had the chance. But I don't. I don't know when I'm going to see him again, and now that I've started college it won't be half as much as I'm used to. We spent the whole summer together, and I can honestly say it was the best summer of my life. It had it's ups and downs but those where what made it.

I've lost everyone. All of my online friends have forgotten that I exist and probably think that I have forgotten about them to, but I haven't.

I'm lonely.

Current Mood: lonely
5 punks| so fucking punk?
12:37 am
For some reason it seems lately that my mother is trying to make my life hell. Well, ever since my sister moved out (which was ages ago) she seems to of been trying to start fights with me and pick holes in me for no reason. I wish she'd just let me learn for myself and make my own mistakes and learn from them. I need to get some books for college today, and she's ranting about how I've left it too late and that Rob's obviously a distraction and that I have to pull myself together, yet during the holiday she went on about how nice Rob was and how good it was that I was happy and having fun again. Plus my lack of free time has been induced by her telling work that I'd actually work when I could have been doing college work. She's constantly jibing at me, and every time she does it no matter how trivial her reason is I just burst into tears. It's like she's trying to make me miserable and she's suddenly trying to stop me from going over to Rob's and stuff.

I've let everything get on top of me lately, Rob's ex text him the other day saying something along the lines of "lately I'm really missing you" and "can I come round" which really angered me. I don't get jealous, I don't know why I'm jealous, he keeps assuring me that there's nothing left there and that he isn't interested but I think I'm just getting paranoid about it. I wanted to rip her throat out the other day, she was doing my head in. Then we had a stupid argument about trust, and I cried and curled up right on the edge of the bed with no covers and shivered. He kept trying to cuddle up to me, but I just made myself go all stiff and rigid because I was so angry and upset that I didn't even want him to touch me. I really missed falling asleep in his arms, he's always warm. I missed him kissing my head while I was pretending to be asleep and I missed waking up holding hands. We've talked about it now though, and everything's "sorted" but it still seems really unresolved. Sort of, sorted out on the surface but I'm still screaming and crying about it inside. He's the best thing that's happened to me in ages and he's really been there for me. When everything was fucking up and I just used to lay accross his bed and cry and he'd play his guitar, he'd play my song. The one he wrote, about me. I felt so comfortable and even though I was unhappy I felt warm and safe just being with him. Knowing that he was there, watching me, looking after me. I wish it could be like that again, except for I wouldn't be crying any more. I'd be curled up next to him while he's singing and playing his guitar. I love him. He stuck a picture of me on his guitar yesterday.

Current Mood: cold
so fucking punk?
Thursday, July 25th, 2002
11:59 am
I feel drunk
a strange diziness
overwhelms me,
you smile I feel
sixteen again

1 punk| so fucking punk?
Saturday, July 6th, 2002
5:25 am
everyone's stitiched me up for newquay at the last minute, so I now don't get my £150 deposit back, I don't get a holiday and I can't change my time off work.

I'm sething.
so fucking punk?
Wednesday, July 3rd, 2002
3:46 pm
My grandad died last night. It was really unexpected.

I've been at mum's all day with the family sorting out funeral stuff, but we don't know when it is yet because he has to have a post mortem. It was a heart attack but they want to see what caused it, because they think he had a clot.

I was at the summer ball last night when i found out. I was sat in the loo with Jo rubbing her back and holding her hair out of her face. It didn't help that I was wasted and I cryed for the majority of the night.

I got my distillers pictures back. I have some properly amazing ones of Brody. I'll scan them when I'm in the mood.

I'm tired. I'm going to lay down and think...
7 punks| so fucking punk?
Monday, July 1st, 2002
6:05 am
A pinch and a punch for the first of the month.

I'm tired, I think I've managed to get about 7 hours sleep since Friday. I ended up going for drinks with people from school. It sucked. Everyone was really weird, and all totally different from me. All I heard most of the night was "god you've changed". I don't personally think I have. I mean I've always had the same ethics and beliefs, I may dress slightly differently but I've never been the same as any of them, and for that matter never had much in common with any of them. After drinks we went to an AWFUL club. It played music like "Nelly" and "Liberty-X". I had a boring time. I just sat and drank beer, which I got told is very un lady like. Saturday was cool, I started work at free spirit. Everyone was really nice, and I spent my lunch hour with my supervisor, Rob. He looks like Jesus. After work we all went to Nexus and I met up with everyone from Legends. Nexus was cool and I got exceedingly drunk. I danced a lot and we had to beg the DJ to play punk and ska because Saturdays are now supposedly rock and metal music night. Bollocks. I didn't get home until half past four on sunday morning because we had to wait hours for a taxi after we got out of Nexus at half two. Cowley went off on a bad one, all I wanted was to sleep. I worked again Sunday and came home and slept for about an hour. Hilary came home from Ayia Nappa today. Poor little thing, I hope her taste in music changes soon. I've been swaying her with some softer punk lately.

Anyway, I'm tired and need to get into bed again.
so fucking punk?
Tuesday, June 25th, 2002
5:50 am
What a fucking night.

So yesterday, Jo, Ben, my Dad and I travelled up to Camden for the Distillers gig. We got there at about 3pm and took the tube to oxford street so that we could get a pizza hut for tea. We then went back to Camden and looked around the shops and the market, and bumped into loads of Distillers fans who were hanging about for the gig. After we'd had tea and done some shopping we went back to the van and just hung out there for a bit which was cool, and then got changed for the gig. I wore a white vest with a black home made ripped to shreds t-shirt, my jeans, my black and white arm socks and a white headband. At aobut half past 6 we trekked up to the underworld and sat in the queue for the gig. Ben decided he needed the loo so we went over to the tube station and as we were walking out back accross the road I saw Brody walking towards us. I think I freaked a bit, then I just said "Brody!" and she looked around. We said hey and that we were looking forward to the gig and she was really nice. Then we were really psyched and went back to the queue...it seemed like no one else had even noticed her.

So we went inside, and got some beers. Hung around for the support even though everyone just wanted the distillers to be on. There's nothing worse than dragged out support. We started talking to a lot of random people and made a few new friends. Then the Distillers came on. We were RIGHT AT THE FRONT. I was about 5 inches away from brody'sright leg. Wow. The gig was so amazing, I can't even descirbe how much I enjoyed it. Lets just say that it was one of the best experiences of my life, and that I will not be forgetting it anytime soon.

Brody fucking rules. I'd explain it more if I could, but it was so intense and so amazing that I'll have to do it later when I've calmed down and can actually put into words how I felt about it.

Oh, and I just got offered the new job at freespirit.
2 punks| so fucking punk?
Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
7:34 pm
Last night was cool. I met ben at goblets with rich, jake and everyone from work for a few drinks then for a subway and then we moved on to the nexus. Loads of people were at nexus which always makes for an interesting night. Ollie, mat, phil, ranny, cowbag, steve, bibs, chris, paul, Joe, murphy and loads of other people that I knew were there too.

I spent most of the night with Ollie which was cool. I found out loads of stuff about him that I wouldn't have known if tosh hadn't made us talk to eachother! He told me about how he had a brain tumour but got through it which was a bit of a shock but not to the extent that it bothered me. It just made me like him more.

Some guy called me a slag a few weeks ago and last night he started trying it on with me. I was SO not interested, but he just kept on apologising and hanging around next to me, as though he was waiting for me to turn around and kiss him or something. Bleurgh, I don't think so. Then cowbag said I could share his taxi home which was cool, but he said that it could only drop us off in one place. Ranny said that was bullshit and he was just saying it because he wanted me to stay at his :-/ Then paul started saying that he liked me. Yuk. He's been with my 37 year old sister in law and when I first met him he told me that he had an obsession with my 29 year old sister. He's 27. I'm 17....ack. I just found it all a bit eird and he kept staring at Ollie.

Some guy started on bibs because he asked if he could hug him. Hahaha! It was so funny. Everyone was just sat around and it looked like bibs was on his own, then this guy stood up to him and about 20 people from our side just stood up to this bloke and they all started yelling and pushing. The best insult that these guys could come up with were; pointing at murphy's santa cruz sticker and saying "uhhhh what are you, sponsored by dunlop?" and then pointing at my skateboarding is not a crime sticker and saying "you fucking bunch of skating hippies". Ehhh?

So we left nexus at 2 and went to subway again for something to eat. I gave Ollie a little x goodbye and we trekked to the train station to catch our taxi. We got dropped off 30 minutes from my house because we ran out of money, and the taxi drivers around here are all stingey evil bastards. Then me, steve and joe walked cowbag to his house and then steve and joe walked me home and then went back to joe's. I didn't actually get in until 4 and I got woken up really early by my sister because she's going to Aiya Nappa or some equally derranged "party island".

It's the distillers gig tomorrow and I am dead excited. I can't wait to see Brody do her stuff. It will rule and I will take pictures. Mum's annoyed because I'm missing college for it.

:) x
1 punk| so fucking punk?
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